How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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