I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
