Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize