I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
