**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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