Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
