Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize