we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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