im about as happy as oj after his trial
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize