super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
