Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
