Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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