Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
