I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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