I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
