i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
