it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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