He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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