Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
