Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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