Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
