let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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