i don't like sucking hair
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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