mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
