my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
