I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
