let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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