very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
His nipple licking is glorious
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