I think I am morally bankrupt
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
