weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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