I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
