At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
