Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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