Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
