Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
