I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
