ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
