She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
