I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
