I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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