Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
