I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
