i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
