just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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