best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
