I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
