Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
