go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
