His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize