i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
