Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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