A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
