So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
