I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Alive.
So much puke
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
