My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
