I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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