From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
