96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
