Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
