I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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