Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
