You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
