Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
