Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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