I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize