i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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