i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
