This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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