you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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