she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
