The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A+ Viking dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
